Transformation

As I sit down to type my first blog post ever I’m quite surprised that what I was going to talk about first is totally not what God had in mind.

Today I celebrated another year of getting older and for the first time in my life I actually took time to reflect on my past. It’s so easy in hind sight to see all the places were God was right there when I needed him most and all those times he was there and I didn’t even notice. There was one certain family member of mine that kept being pushed front and center. I can’t seem to shake the vision of her face from my mind and I can’t shrug off the plans that God as laid out before me concerning reconnection and the very scary possibility of opening a lot of doors that have been shut for a very long time.

My favorite aunt growing up was my aunt Suzie. I spent countless weekends over at her house getting tortured by my “let’s play model” cousin who would curl my hair and paint my face, which was so not on my list of fun things to do.

Friday nights were poker night at Aunt Suzie house and Saturday mornings were “Shhhhhh be real quite.” mornings as Angela and I tipped toed around empty beer cans and crumbled bags of chips on the floor on our way to get a bowl of cereal or whatever we could find. It’s amazing what eleven and twelve year olds consider breakfast when left to their own devices!

I can remember always wanting to watch a little Saturday morning cartoons but there was always some guy asleep on the couch and he always looked so uncomfortable. Like he just fell over, which at the time I always found weird. So it was no cartoons, it was back to tip toeing down the hall to Angela’s bedroom were we would spend the better part of the morning playing as quietly as we could, which somehow always ended up with me on the hot side of a curling iron.

One weekend I went to spend the night on a Saturday and immediately I noticed a difference when I walked into their house. Things were alive, if that makes sense. There was a happy and free vibe in the air and my aunt Suzie actually shined. She hummed, she laughed, she was completely and totally a different person. She had accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior. She was the first person I can ever recall in my past that I saw that change in. I saw that the old Aunt Suzie was gone and there was a new Aunt Suzie in her place. We went to church on Sunday morning and I can remember actually being excited to go instead of feeling like I was being dragged in by my ear. I wanted to experience what my Aunt Suzie had experienced. I wanted to shine like she did.

I did eventually meet Jesus and accepted him as my Lord and Savior but that’s a story for another time. I’m going to jump ahead several years.

 In 2000, my brother suddenly passed away. I was devastated. Still to this day I can’t have even a small happy thought of him without tears coming to my eyes. There was one person through that whole experience that comforted me the most. It was Aunt Suzie. I remember her coming to my bedroom where I had gone to hide, shutting out everyone who was coming by the house with their condolences.

Aunt Suzie told me in that moment that she wasn’t going to tell me that she was sorry for my loss because she knew were my brother was and that apologizing for someone going to heaven was just something she didn’t think God would want us do. She did tell me though that it was ok to cry. It was ok to be sad and it was even ok to be mad. To get it out. Write it down on a piece of paper, scream into my pillow until I couldn’t scream anymore, whatever it took to get it out do it, but when I was done I needed to lay it all down at the feet of Jesus.

Those words helped me through what I can honestly say is the most difficult thing that I’ve had to deal with in my life. I took a deep breath and I began to write it all down. Screaming into my pillow just seemed like too much at the time and I didn’t want people thinking I’d totally lost it. Anyways, as I wrote, I laid every raw emotion down at the feet of Jesus. I folded that piece of paper and stuck it in my brother’s bible where it still sits today, my own little personal symbol of letting it all go and giving it all to Jesus to handle for me.

I haven’t seen or spoken with my favorite aunt Suzie in over a decade. Life has a way of moving us down different paths that over time don’t cross or that lead some of us that were once on fire for the Lord to become bitter and question why God would allow certain things in one’s life to happen. Build up walls to keep those who want to help out.

I’ve thought a lot by Aunt Suzie over the last two days. Somehow she keeps getting pushed to the front of every memory I think back on. I know I’m being lead to reach out to her. Not because I want to preach at her and try to make her feel bad for turning away from God.

 I want to tell her thank you.

I want to thank her for taking to me church. Thank her for shining so brightly for the Lord that she inspired me to want to shine just as bright.  Thank her for being the only person whose words comforted me when I myself was questioning why God would allow certain things to happen.

I need to let her know that it’s ok to cry. It’s ok to be sad and it’s even ok to be angry. Just get it out but when you’re done lay it at the feet of Jesus.

I believe that I’m being lead to reach out to Aunt Suzie because the Lord is using me in some way to help reconnect her back to him. Trust me this won’t be an easy task. Not only has Aunt Suzie shut and sealed that door to her past and family, she’s built a wall as well. It’s going to take me opening up some doors that I’ve sealed off as well, for me to even find Aunt Suzie but, I’ve laid it at the feet of Jesus and he is with me and I know that not only will he bless my aunt, he’ll bless me to.

Is there someone in your life that impacted your decision or inspired you to get to know Christ?

Is there someone that was there for you when all others just weren’t quite saying the right things to get you through a difficult time in your life?

I want to encourage each of you that if you are being lead to reach out to a family member, a friend or even someone you haven’t spoken with in years to do it. Don’t let the opportunity pass. It may be just what they need to hear to put them back on the right path to the Lord.

 ” My brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”  (James 5:19-20 ESV)